May 7, 2015

Life's Passages and Lessons Learned

On May 1st my Mom died.......

I knew this day would come, if life follows it's prescribed order, but denial is a better friend.
That it came following a fall, brain surgery and ultimately hospice, was not in the plan, but what is? We entered a roller coaster world of hope, despair, hope.......There was still so much to say, much too late.

I started and stopped this post so often, it barely reflects my original thoughts. But in the end wanted to honor Mom, she would like this post. As Mom's do, she thought I was a brilliant writer, I am not.
 All emotions are in free fall, heightened, raw. I feel adrift..........I started to call her today.
Moving forward looks different without my confidant, my cheerleader.
No doubt like all Mothers, mine encouraged me that I was capable of anything I chose and celebrated my achievements, and soothed my fears and failures.  She loved to hear what I was up to always with a wink and a wince "Oh you didn't!" was the frequent refrain

As the process moves along in a grotesque slow motion, I find myself experiencing and learning compassion from others; the words, the gestures and my vow to share those lessons when needed, for those around me. I also learned that Hospice is run by earth angels.

So Mom, this post is for you. Your spirit shines on
                                                   Last Christmas, my sister, her sons and myself

                                                   Last St. Patricks Day (notice the lady on the left!)
                                                   Celebrating a friends birthday 3 weeks ago
                           Last years Kentucky Derby Day, an event she started in her complex

My heart goes out to Julie of T & G Interiors who also just lost her Mom, then went through a rough bout of pneumonia. Keep her in your thoughts if you will

Thank you for listening dearest readers. May I take this time to say you mean the world to me.


  1. So sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family in this difficult time.

  2. I love how you describe how it feels to lose your kind of mother. I was lucky enough to have that kind of mother, too. Not everyone does. In fact; (I hope I am wrong), most people don't have a mother who thinks we are brilliant!!!. You did. I did, too! Lucky us. I lost my mother when I was 33 (my father when I was 4); but what a mother I had!
    Guess what I did every time I wanted to call her? (many times a day...) I just stood in some quiet place; and I did! I didn't actually talk..if others were near..(then away to the looney bin!) but I asked her questions.....told her stories in my head....I am telling you that she answered my questions!! the answers would float into my head!) (Please don't send the people with the white coats and straightjackets after me!!)

    I believed then; and I still do; that she is with me. There are signs around me all the time. (I have an amazing story about when I thought I wanted to sell our house) I will tell you later.
    Your mother is there. She is with you. Always. I believe that with all my heart. Open up your to is such a comfort. She will show you she is there! Watch for signs!
    What an amazingly fun and funny person she was! Full of joy!! (that look of the woman on the left is classic!!!) Her exuberance and fun spirit is obvious!

    I am so sorry for your loss of her physical being. I am weeping as I write this. I lost my mother 35 years ago. I tell you; honestly. I still talk to her!

    ps hospice people are walking angels. You are so right. My mother did not have hospice. There was no such thing. God bless them! You are spreading the love you received.....and that is an honor and tribute to her. Julie too.....
    All love and good wishes.

  3. Debra,
    I"m so sorry for the loss of mom. I haven't been reading too many blogs of late but I'm glad to catch this post so I could leave you message. Hopefully all of us in blogland will hold you up and carry you through this difficult time. Thank you for sharing these wonder photos of your mom; she seemed like a real character and I'll bet she had a wonderful sense of humor. You have my heartfelt condolences and you'll be in my thoughts. Steve

  4. She looks as though she spread joy and lived life! How special to have shared such a special times. Xoxo

  5. Oh Debra your mom mist have been a hoot. Look at those colorful socks..and the costumes. What a lady. I hope you can cling to those wonderful memories. I lost my best friend of fifty plus years in January and there isn't a day that I don't cry because she isn't in my life anymore. But she is around but I can't see her. That must frustrate her seeing me so sad when she is in a better place. I try to think of that. She wouldn't want me sad.

  6. I'm sorry. What a lovely woman and mother. You all mothers...unfortunately not all mothers are like that. Mother's Day can be difficult for those missing their mothers and for those that miss the fact they didn't or don't have the special relationship you had. Prays for your memories soon to become happy and not filled with that dreadful sadness.

  7. What a beautiful post, Debra and wonderful tribute to your Mom. My mother is 89 and we live in the same town. I still count on her for her words of wisdom and sage advice daily so I know what you mean. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time, and I'm sending you my warmest hugs…

  8. What a beautiful tribute you have written about your mother. It is easy to see in the pictures of her that she was filled with love and joy. I am so sorry for your loss.

  9. Bless you. May you find peace in your memories and on the qualities she has instilled in you.

  10. My most sincere condolences.

  11. I am so sorry for you loss, dear Debra. Your mother looks to have been so full of life and a joy to be around---much like I imagine you to be! It's been 5 years this month since I lost my mom and I still think of her every day and wish she could be as close as the phone.
    I am certain your wide and wonderful circle of friends will help you, along with your sweet memories, through this difficult time. xoxo

  12. I am so sorry. Love the pictures of your Mom, and family. You've written a lovely tribute. ;)

  13. Oh my sweet dear Debra, I am so saddened by this news and my heart breaks for you. I am so very sorry. God be with you and your family especially now when your heart is hurting so terribly. I hope it helps just a tiny bit to know I am thinking of you and praying for you that you will get some comfort, some solace. Sending you a great big hug, xoxo Kathysue

  14. PS..... Your Mom was right, you are a wonderful writer and this was a beautiful tribute to her. xo

  15. My dear friend, my heart is full of tears with you... grief is encompassing, be very kind to yourself allowing your self to heal. Your lovely mom was right, you write beautifully... and the pictures of her joyous spirit and her supporting love, keep that image in front of you through this process. It's been 7 years since my mom went to be with the Lord; this May 16th is her birthday. With Mother's Day this weekend do something you love, something that brings you joy and or some peace in honor of her. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I will leave you for now with a truth you can hold on to - The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18) I will pray that you feel Him very near. xxoo Rié

  16. Dear Debra,
    I am so sorry for the loss of you dear mother. I know what it is like and it is always too soon. She sounds like a treasure and she was right about you. You are too. Although she is gone, you will have memories of her to last a lifetime. May they give you comfort.
    XO, Victoria

  17. Dear Debra I am so very sorry to hear of your loss Your Mother looks like she was a marvelous and beautiful woman. My Mother is 85, is frail so we are taking care of her and hoping to have her awhile longer!

    May God watch you family and I am sending love and prayers to you and to Julie as well.

    These chairs are so artfully designed! Thanks so much for sharing Stacey!
    Have a wonderful weekend!!

    The Arts by Karena

  18. Dear Debra, so so sorry for your loss. I too had a mother that was my best cheer leader, my best audience, and my best friend. I miss her everyday. And I do still talk to her after 15 years. And I don't doubt for a minute she listens and "speaks" back to me in so many different ways.
    Your mom looked like quite the full of life and humor. What a great combination! But it makes it so hard to even imagine a world with out them.
    Enjoy sharing all the stories and make sure you keep those stories alive with the grandchildren.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  19. Deepest condolences Debra. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  20. Debra, my heart sank when I read your post - I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. I can only imagine how proud she was to have raised such a fun, kind, and talented daughter. I can see from your stories and pictures where you get much of your personality from - she seems to have had the same magnetic, fun-loving personality as you. Hang in there - I'll be thinking about and praying for you my friend.

  21. A lovely tribute, she is smiling.

  22. Oh, Debra,
    You are everything your Mom said you are! It seems like forever since my mom called, to see what I was up to. But she's in a good place, where she can breathe freely. You will continue to be brilliant, and if you're like me, you'll talk to your parents daily, knowing they're still with you. Best to you and your family, during this tough time,

  23. I love love love what Dee shared! YES!! The stories you tell about her will keep her alive in your family!
    I lost a dear friend when she was way too young....(48)!! and she said to me....."I hope my children tell one tenth of the stories that you tell about your Mother about me when I am gone!"
    You show those fabulous pictures; retell her stories. It is the oral history that will keep her alive in your family! Happy Mother's Day.


    ps I have been walking around with my throat choked up today. I just figured it out. It is that Mother's Day is coming. I physically ache missing my Mommy.
    I will be spending the day with my daughter; Ella; named after my mother(45); and her daughter Penelope (16) named after me. Lucky me. My Mommy Ella will be with us. I am positive!!!

    You will miss her forever. Just please know she is with you!

  24. Dear Debra, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Your mother was right. You are a brilliant writer. What a beautiful post and tribute to an obviously wonderful woman!

  25. My thoughts and prayers are with you. There are no words to really describe how it feels to loose a parent. Your Mom looked like someone who had a zest for life. I love the pictures you shared… truly pictures say a 1000 words. Yes, your Mom would have loved this post. I'll be thinking of you on Mother's Day!

  26. Debra, this was such a beautiful touched my heart in so many ways! Tomorrow will be difficult and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Its amazing how blogging brings people together and how many people touch our lives that might not of..Hugs to you and your family!

  27. So very sorry. I've been hoping for better news ever since I saw a comment you made several weeks ago. But what a terrific Mom -- you were so lucky.

    Even though it doesn't seem that way now, it will get easier over time, although I don't think we ever get over missing our mothers. Best thoughts to you and your family.

  28. Debra I am so very sorry about your loss. What a beautiful and incredibly moving tribute to your beautiful mom, clearly she loved life and loved you very much.

    Know that you have many friends who will keep you in their thoughts and prayers on this day when you are no doubt missing your mother very much. I bet she is there smiling and encouraging you to move forward, because I think the will of a mother is so strong that they keep on having the last say even when they are no longer physically here with us.

    This was beautiful....thank you, sending you a big hug.

  29. Oh Debra,
    My heart aches for you. I am so very sorry for your loss... This was a very heartwarming and moving post. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers...

  30. Debra, I am so very sorry to have missed this post but also for the loss of your mother! I too am lucky because I have a mother much like you describe, she is my biggest cheerleader and that means the world.

    Your mother looks like a wonderfully funny, beautiful, loving life sort of woman and I am sure that she she instilled that and more in you.

    I have you in my thoughts and prayers.

  31. I am so sorry for your loss. I know this feeling too well. Even though words cannot cover the extent of your pain, There are so many of us thinking and praying for you and your family.

  32. Dear Debra,
    I am very sorry for your loss. This is a lovely and poignant tribute to your mom. Through these photos and your words, I know she was a woman with flair, style and great spirit. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
    Lots of love,

  33. Hi Debra, I am so sorry for your loss. This is a lovely tribute to the spirit of your mom. I hope the good memories will carry you through the pain. Thinking of you,

  34. What a wonderful gallery of photographs. Your grief is something that is not easily shed. But such a wonderful Mother would not be happy to know that she caused it, and in time your tears will lessen and you will believe all she believed in you..

  35. You chose well, feel as if I know the type of person your mom was, and like her immensely from the curating of pics.

    When this year was about to start, not thinking of my dad, the thought drifted in, "This will be the 3rd year without my dad." New ways of measuring time. Loss.

    Sorry for your, and your family's, loss.

    Garden & Be Well, XO Tara


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...